Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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