Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
