Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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