Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
