He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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