Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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