you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
