By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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