you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have fence marks all over my body
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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