Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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