found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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