OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
