i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
