I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
