i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
