Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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