I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
