There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
