You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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