Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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