The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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