I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
