I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
