Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
