he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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