it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
