Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
