She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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