Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Operation Purity has been aborted
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
