im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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