I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
