That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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