So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
