That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
