Just fell off a train. Bad.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
