She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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