Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
