Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
