I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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