I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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