I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
