I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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