I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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