talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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