i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
