no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
do herpes really smell.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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