Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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