i always forget guys have bellybuttons
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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