I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
