This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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