I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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