Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
