she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love accidental penises.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
