at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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