he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
