he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
