I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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